5 Tips to Support Your Anxious Child

Coping with anxiety during adolescence can be challenging — as anxiety manifests itself during a seemingly random variety of circumstances. Students get overly stressed before exams, get nervous while attending social events, or simply worry too much about a future that is still a long way off.  Nevertheless, an adult’s understanding, validation, and support can make a big difference. Despite the variety of situations, there are simple steps to helping teens manage their anxiety. Like teaching your child to walk, run, bike or swim, it takes effort, patience, and practice over time — But they’ll produce compounding confidence in your child to face their challenges ahead.

Let's have a look at these five easy tips to support your anxious child:

Tip 1: Learn about anxiety

• Despite its negative connotation, anxiety is actually a normal human reaction meant to protect us from risk, keep us alert, and help us decide the best course of action.
• The real problem lies in frequency and intensity — causing overt fear or prevention from everyday activities.  
• For example, it’s natural to feel nervous before a test, maybe even have negative thoughts or an upset stomach. Anxiety becomes worrisome when it causes panic attacks or a student to fear going to school.
• Learning the role of anxiety in your life and how it impacts your thoughts or body translates to improved empathy towards your teen’s anxiety responses.
• You’ll start detecting early signs of stress or anxiety triggers, then prepare your teen with conversations before anxiety takes over.

Interested in starting to learn about anxiety? Here’s an additional resource for what teenagers are anxious about, main symptoms, and ways to help them.

Tip 2: Guide them in practicing techniques like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation

• Anxiety causes faster breathing, which in turn increases distress and exacerbates that same anxiety. Quite a troublesome cycle!
• Focus on breathing — slow it down intentionally.
• It only takes a few minutes to practice with your child.

Here’s how you start:

1. Sit in a quiet, comfortable place
2. Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four
3. Hold your breath for a few seconds (~4 seconds)
4. Exhale slowly through your mouth (~6-8 seconds)
5. Repeat this process for 2 minutes (Or roughly 7-8 cycles)

Your teen will experience immediate relief and, just as importantly, show your support and willingness to be there when they need it most.

Tip 3: Practice the "Worry Box"

If your teen tends to dwell on the same worries, the 'Worry Box' technique can be a helpful tool.

1. Start by encouraging them to write down on a piece of paper each worry as it crops up and drop the notes into a special box in a handy place (or simply take notes on a cell phone to make it easier!).
2. Once the note has been deposited in the box, instruct your teen to turn their attention to other matters: As the ‘Worry box’ holds their concerns, they no longer have to carry them around! It's a symbolic way to set aside worries and can provide a sense of relief.
3. The last step is to regularly sit down with your teen, review the notes, validate their feelings, and choose a few worries to discuss and look for solutions. The goal isn’t to simply “forget their worries”, but to face those worries together.  Similar to the breathing technique, this practice manages anxiety and strengthens your bond!

For more information on the Worry Box, check out this article with a complete guide and creative ideas to enhance this technique:

Tip 4: Problem-solve together (Be a Guide)

Tackling anxiety together can make it less intimidating for your teen.

1. Start by breaking their worries down into smaller, more manageable parts. You can help your teen identify what the main problem is ("What exactly are you worried about? Let's name the main worry!") or segment it.
2. For example, if the worry concerns school, define whether it's about homework, friends, or teachers.
3. Next, encourage your teen to think of different ways to handle these worries, discussing the pros and cons of each idea. Remember, your role is to guide, not to solve the problem for them.

This collaborative approach builds teens' confidence and problem-solving skills, showing them they're not alone in their journey.

Tip 5: Promote safe, gradual exposure

1. Gradual exposure, a gentle yet effective method, can help your teen face their fears. Once you and your teen have defined what makes them anxious, identify a first small step to start addressing those fears in a controlled and safe manner. Choose something small they're slightly anxious about, and gradually work up to more challenging situations.
2. If your teen is anxious about social interactions, for example, start by encouraging them to engage in brief conversations with family members, then gradually progress to interacting with a close friend and eventually participating in a small group activity.
3. Each step should be manageable and within their comfort zone. Celebrate every small victory to boost their confidence. This method teaches your teen that they can face and overcome their fears at their own pace, with you there to support them with every step.

In summary:

1. Identify anxiety triggers
2. Identify a “first small step”
3. Gradually expose them to more challenging situations
4. Celebrate every victory

Conclusion

Being a supportive and understanding figure is essential in parenting. By learning about anxiety, you can engage in open conversations and be better prepared to help them navigate this challenging emotion. Practicing breathing techniques, problem-solving, and gradual exposure together can empower your teen to face their fears, foster resilience, and build a solid foundation for a more confident future.

Lastly, if you notice your teen's anxiety becoming more and more severe or overwhelming, it is always a prudent option to consult with a professional for support and guidance.